DUI Taxas Style

Subject: DUI - Texas Style
> > From the county where drunk driving is
> considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a
> routine police patrol
> parked outside a bar in Austin ,
> Texas after last call the officer
> noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated
> that he could barely
> walk.
>
>
>
> The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes,
> with the officer
> quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which
> he tried his keys on
> five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car
> and fall into it.
>
>
>
> He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons
> left the bar and
> drove off.
>
>
>
> Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and
> off--it was a fine, dry
> summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of
> times, honked the
> horn and then switched on the lights.
>
>
>
> He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a
> little and then remained
> still for a few more minutes as some more of the other
> patrons' vehicles left.
>
>
>
> At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot,
> he pulled out and
> drove slowly down the road.
>
>
>
> The police officer, having waited patiently all this time,
> now started up his
> patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the
> man over and
> administered a Breathalyzer test.
>
>
>
> To his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence
> that the man had
> consumed any alcohol at all!
>
>
>
> Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to
> accompany me to the
> police station.
>
>
>
> This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck.
> 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
only in texas !!!! thats friggin hilarious :D
Another good One..... A
> woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his
> birthday.
>
>
>
> After
> looking around, she found that all the pets were very
> expensive.
>
>
>
> She
> told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't
> want to spend a fortune.
>
>
>
> 'Well,'
> said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say
> it's been trained to
> give blowjobs!'
>
>
>
> 'Blowjobs!'
> the woman replied.
>
>
>
> 'It
> hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this
> month,' he said.
>
>
>
> The
> woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if
> it's true...no more
> blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
>
>
>
> When
> she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was
> extremely skeptical and
> laughed it off.
>
> The
> woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to
> perform this less than
> riveting act again.
>
>
>
> In the
> middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots
> and pans flying
> everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
> She ran downstairs
> to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog
> reading cookbooks.
>
>
>
> 'What
> are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
>
>
>
> The
> husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook,
> your ass is gone!!!